Cake Wrecks

This site is so funny. Here's a couple from today (I just wonder if they're for the same person):

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2009/04/apostrophe-is-silent.html  

The Man Rules

.I got this in an email today. It's pretty much all true. Note they are all listed #1, since they are all equally important.

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes or No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done...Not both. And if you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is! ! !

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question that you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer that you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, hockey or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.

 

It's nearly May!!

Lyrics are NSFW.

 

Beware The Bunny That Hates You

Happy Easter!!!
 

Darwin In School

It's a very compelling argument. I really can't argue with it. Global warming has indeed risen as the pirate population has fallen.

http://www.venganza.org/about/open-letter/


The hate mail is really the best part about the FSM site.
http://www.venganza.org/category/hate-mail/

Thanks to Sean for pointing out this site on his blog.

 

Jim Cramer on Daily Show - Awesome!!

I love watching this clown squirm.  LOL.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Jim Cramer Interview Outtake Pt. 1

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Jim Cramer Interview Outtake Pt. 2

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Jim Cramer Interview Outtake Pt. 3

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

 

How to Shower Properly

 

The Rice Of Passage With Emmitt Smith

 

I Knew That Car Looked Familiar...

 

Mistress Contest Goes Bad

I really expect this to be a VH1 reality show in the near future. Basically, a married Chinese businessman thought he needed to cut back on expenses, so he had a contest between his 5 mistresses to determine which one he would keep because paying for 5 different apartments and giving monthly allowances can really get expensive quick. So, the first one he decided to cut loose over her looks ended up driving him and the other women off a cliff. The others were injured, but she died. The guy's wife and the 4 remaining mistresses finally broke up with him. I guess it takes driving off a cliff for some people to see how stupid they really look.

Source: http://edition.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/asiapcf/02/17/china.mistress.contest/index.html

 

Ever Wonder What Prison Was Like? Try Renting This Place Out....

This is an ad for a room to rent from craigslist, note the requirement for an ID bracelet, automatic lights that come on at 5:30 a.m., and mandatory surprise inspections. Wow. I think you'd get better accommodations at San Quentin, and you wouldn't be paying a monthly fee.

All the tenants I interview aren't good enough (Broadway and Commercial)
Reply to: pers-964514051@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-12-19, 6:05PM PST

I am a born again Christian. Why is this a problem for people????! I have a house that's MINE and I PAID FOR IT. I also have a basement apartment for rent. It's a great space for I'm charing very little for it, $480 monthly, for the right tenant. I know it's ILLEGAL to require a Christian in the apartment, against the human rights. That's why I NEVER put this in my ad. Why then does it keep getting taken down?

HERE IS THE AD I POSTED, AND THE AD THAT KEEPS GETTING REMOVED:

Available Immediately – Broadway and Commercial – Showing Saturday and Sunday – Email for directions and additional information.

What kind of apartment is it?

• One bedroom basement apartment with separate entrance
• Tastefully decorated with modern décor
• Approximately 650 square feet
• There is even a window! Security bars installed for your safety and to prevent unauthorized activity
• Closed circuit camera installed for security and safety. One in your suite, one at the entrance, and one in the exercise yard

Rent:
• $480.00 per month
• First month’s rent + ½ month security deposit due at move in
• Small pet allowed with approval and payment of additional ½ month pet damage deposit
• One year lease permitted, option to renew lease at end of the term with no increase in rent
• LANDLORD’S SPECIAL! Move in before January 1st and don’t pay for the remainder of December! That’s significant savings.

Included in the rent:

• Electricity
• Heat – Maintained at 21 degrees with lock box to prevent unauthorized tampering. Additional heating available for $20.00 per extra degree of heating per month. You may not use your oven to heat the apartment. If you do, you will be fined $50.00 per occurrence.
• Air conditioning – Maintained at 25 degrees during the summer with lock box to prevent extra cooling from being dispensed. Additional cooling for sale for $20.00 per degree of cooling requested per month.
• 25" Zenith color television set with basic cable service - INCLUDED IN RENT!
• Wireless internet (with content filter applied to block forbidden/immoral websites) - INCLUDED IN RENT!
• Provision of coin laundry services - You will have your own personal coin laundry washer and dryer machines. Washers and dryers are paid using a token system. Tokens can be purchased through the landlord. Washer tokens cost $4.15 each and dryer tokens cost $3.60 each. You are not allowed to use foreign
currency or slugs in the washer and dryer. Violators will be fined $100.00 per infraction.

About us: (Landlords)

We are conservative, bible believing, God-fearing, born again, evangelical Christians. We interpret the bible literally in every way possible. We live a strict moral code and observe God’s laws in our everyday life. My wife stays at home and teaches our home-schooled children. I work as a pastor at a local congregation and am active in the faith community.

About you: (Tenant)

• You are employed
• You do not participate in lascivious deviant sexual behavior
• You do not choose alternative lifestyles as your lifestyle
• You do not have any criminal history
• You must have excellent character references
• You do not smoke, drink or take drugs. Mandatory drug screening required.


Additional Rules/Conditions:

CLEANLINESS: You are responsible for the cleanliness and orderliness of
your apartment. Beds are to be made before leaving your suite,
countertops must be wiped down, and you must remove all trash. Upon
inspection, if the tenant's basement suite is not clean, the cost of
cleaning services plus a fine of $100.00 will be levied.
LIGHTS: The lights in your basement suite and in the day room are not to
be tampered with. If a light needs repair, report the condition to the
Landlord.
WAKE-UP: Wake up will be at 5:30am each morning. All ceiling lights in
the suite will be turned on automatically.
LIGHTS OUT: Ceiling lights in the suite will be turned off at 11:30pm.
CONTRABAND: The following items are considered contraband – alcohol, illegal drugs, tobacco, weapons, lock picking equipment. If any contraband is discovered to be in your possession, you will be subject to a minimum $1,000.00 fine. In addition, your items will be confiscated permanently. Second offense – you will be evicted without notice. A bailiff will escort you and your belongings off the premises. Your security deposit will not be returned.
SMOKING: The basement suite is non-smoking. Anyone in possession of
tobacco products of any kind or any lighter or matches, will have their
contraband items confiscated and will be fined $100.00.
INSPECTIONS: The Landlord will conduct unannounced inspections to ensure
that these rules and regulations are being followed.
VISITATION: Visitation periods will be on Saturdays and Sundays from
1:00 p.m. until 3:00 p.m. All visitors and their vehicles are subject
to search while on landlord property. Refusal to allow a search can
result in their being barred from all future visitation privileges. All
visitors must sign the Visitor's Log. Unauthorized visitors will be
escorted from the property, and the tenant will be fined $250.00.
I.D. BRACELETS: Each tenant will be issued an I.D. bracelet with his/her
photograph. It must be worn at all times. If you lose your I.D.
bracelet or it is broken, you will be required to purchase a new one at
the nominal cost of $5.00.
EXERCISE YARD: The tenant will have access to the exercise yard in the
area to the back of the property for 2 hours per day from 4:00 pm to
6:00 pm. The tenant is not allowed to bring any personal property to
the exercise yard. Once the tenant leaves the exercise yard on a
particular day, he or she may not return. No boisterous behavior is
allowed in the exercise yard. There is no smoking allowed in the
exercise yard. Minimum fine for exercise yard infractions is $50.00.


* Location: Broadway and Commercial
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 964514051

Source: http://vancouver.en.craigslist.ca/rnr/964514051.html  

BCS Championship and Thom Brennaman

First, congratulations to Florida. They played better and deserved to win the title last night. However, FOX botched the broadcast with the awful announcing, but don't just take my word for it. Thom Brennaman gushed over Tim Tebow all night long, including such zingers as:
"If you're fortunate to spend 5 or 20 minutes around Tim Tebow, you're better for it."

It was so awful, that someone has apparently taken it upon themselves to update his Wikipedia page with the following entry(click for larger view):

There have been a ton of edits to the page today, here is a link to them. http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Thom_Brennaman&action=history  

Blue Wave Is On A Roll

Really Seattle, after seeing this video, you did deserve to lose the Sonics/Thunder. This video is really so bad it's scary.


As bad as that one was, this one is even worse:
 

Plaxico's Gun Safety

New York Giants WR Plaxico Burress accidentally shot himself a couple weeks ago when carrying a loaded gun into a club...in his sweatpants. Of course the dope shot himself. This video is just too funny to pass up.

 

It's Funny

This receipt is hilarious.  I'd be pretty ticked off if it were someone I knew, though.  Source

 

Black Friday

The one thing I can give thanks for this year would be that my wife has decided to avoid Black Friday. I can't say enough how much I hate shopping in crowds! Thank you, honey, you've made my weekend in letting me stay at home. For those of you that are going out, be sure to bring your bingo cards:

Source
Source  

Too Funny

Timberlake
by bsap11

 

Hey, A Video That Goes Along With The Actual Words In The Song

A parody of A-ha's "Take on Me" video. LOL  

How Bad Has It Been on Wall Street

I think this picture says it all:

Source

 

Palin's Debate Flowchart